Teen Depression – There is Hope
Occasional melancholy, bad moods and short periods of feeling down are common in adolescence. Major depression, however, limits an adolescent’s ability to function normally.
Depression in teens is characterized by a persistent sad mood, anger, feelings of hopelessness of the inability to feel pleasure or happiness for an extended period of time – weeks, months or years.
Two percent of preteens and five percent of adolescents suffer from depression.
Depression may be indicated if a teen experiences an unusual degree of the following symptoms for no apparent reason:
* Changes in eating and sleeping habits
* Missed School or poor school performance
* Withdrawal from friends and activities
* Indecision, lack of concentration, or forgetfulness
* Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
* Overreaction to criticism
* Feeling that nothing is worth the effort
* Frequent health complaints when no physical ailment exists
* Anger, rage, anxiety
* Lack of enthusiasm and motivation
* Drug/alcohol abuse, thoughts of death and suicide
Symptoms such as insomnia, panic attacks, delusions or hallucinations can indicate extreme depression, with particular risk for suicide.
What Triggers Depression In Teens?
* Personal experiences: death of a loved one, divorce, a move to a new area, a breakup with a girlfriend or boyfriend, neglect, prolonged absence from caretaker/nurturer, abuse and bullying, damage to self-esteem, or too many changes occurring too quickly. In some teens any major change may provoke depression
* Early traumatic experiences: a young child who is a victim of abuse or incest does not have the experience or language to understand what is happening, not to protest. As the child becomes a teen, these painful experiences often emerge and cause great distress, which is compounded if adults deny or discount the information
* Stress: especially if the teen lacks emotional support
* Hormonal changes: physical changes occurring during puberty cause new and unexpected emotions
* Medical conditions: such as hypothyroidism, chronic physical illness, substance abuse
* Allergies: wheat, sugar, milk
* Nutritional deficiencies
* Biology: tends to run in families
What are the effects of depression in teens?
* Drug and alcohol abuse
* Low self-esteem
* Eating disorders
* Self-injury
* Acting out – aggression or high-risk behaviors
* Suicidal thoughts or attempts
What can teens do to help themselves or a friend when feeling depressed?
* Reach out and talk to friends, parents, teachers
* Keep as active and busy as possible
* Spend time with friends, especially those who are active and upbeat
* Avoid hanging out with teens who use drugs/alcohol
* Remember you are not alone. Depression is a common problem and will pass. It almost always will come and go on it’s own. With proper intervention, it can be controlled, greatly reduced or overcome
* Take medication if recommended, temporarily while you sort out your feelings
Some guidelines for working with depressed teens
* Respond with kindness, support and encouragement
* Let the teen know you are there when they are ready to talk
* Check in with the teen often
* LISTEN
* Do not criticize or pass judgment once the teen begins to talk
* Encourage, don’t force, participation in groups/activities
* Help the teen recognize their own triggers to depression
* Teach coping skills to use when triggers occur
* Do not lecture
* Do not try to talk them out of their feelings
* Be alert for signs of suicidal ideation. Always take any signs seriously
* Make sure the teen gets adequate exercise, sleep and a healthy diet
Temper these with a generous measure of tenderness, love and compassion. It can get better; it will get better!
Idriys “Luke” Muhammad
“You Don’t Have To Become Excited; However, Many Are Finding The Help They Need For Their Children And Themselves!”
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Is Your Child Depressed? 6 Ways to Help Them Cope. Kids and Depression – Part II
In Part II of James Lehman, MSW’s series on episodic childhood depression,
he’ll discuss concrete ways you can teach your child coping skills. If
your child seems distressed, despondent or sad for a prolonged period
of time, have them seen by someone with diagnostic skills. Be sure to
have a pediatrician rule out any underlying issues that might be
causing depression.
By the time they’re in adolescence, there are a lot of kids who are pretty
comfortable using clinical and diagnostic excuses to avoid
responsibilities: That has become their chief coping skill.
I can’t say it enough: teach kids problem-solving skills from a very
early age. If your child has developed problem solving skills but lost
access to them because they are depressed periodically, you have to
help them regain access to those skills. So how do you do this? Here
are some suggestions for ways to help you coach your child through it:
- Help Kids Identify Coping Skills:
When you ask a teen or pre-teen, “What are your coping skills,” if he
can say, “Oh, I go to my room. I listen to some music, I count to ten,”
that’s good because he understands that coping is a skill, not an art
or magic. And once you teach kids that behavior is a skill, the next
step is to get them to identify problems and develop the behavioral
tools to deal with them. And so it becomes, “You’re feeling sad, you’re
feeling depressed, what can we do about that problem? What would you
find helpful?” It gives you a place to stand where you can both begin
talking about how to solve the problem of feeling sad.
- Keep Them Busy:
When people are depressed, kids as well as adults, they still have to
meet their responsibilities. Again, I’m not talking about kids who are
so clinically depressed they’re immobilized. For everyone else, one of
the most important treatments for depression is to get the person up
off their butt to do the dishes, make the bed, take a shower. It
doesn’t have to be done in a harsh manner, but you should be firm. If
your child can’t handle a complex task, give them simple ones, but keep
them busy. Depressed people should not be allowed to lie in bed under
the covers, because it just makes the situation worse.
- Responsibilities:
As far as responsibilities go, I don’t think a lot of special
consideration should be given to kids who are episodically depressed.
Rather, maintain the same expectations. They will probably need more
support to perform at the same level. Know that you have to give them
more opportunities to regroup. Be more available to them when they
start feeling overwhelmed, but don’t let them avoid their
responsibilities. You can say, “We understand you’re down, but you
still have to do your homework.” You may want to ease
them into tasks by having them do the dishes with you in the kitchen,
do their homework while you work nearby, or go to the store with you.
Again, get them out and moving about. Remember, a good parenting style
for kids who are depressed is like a coaching style. Coach your child
to learn new skills. During a time of episodic
depression in your child’s life, I would recommend that you use more
coaching and less limit setting.
- Why a Quiet Room is Important:
Children who are depressed often exhibit distractibility and impaired
concentration, so it’s important to get them in a soothing environment.
Don’t try to have a talk with them about their behavior or about their
coping skills when a lot of other distractions are present. In a school
setting, if you’re in a special education class where there’s a lot of
noise in the classroom, an upset child will not be able to engage in a
conversation in a way that’s helpful. That’s why many schools have a
“quiet room” where kids can go to calm down. Once that happens, the
adult in charge can talk with them about whether or not they’re angry,
whether or not they’re depressed, what the problem is and how they can
solve it. The same goes for kids at home. If possible, take your child
into a room where there are no distractions and let them calm down
before opening a conversation about why they’re upset. And let your
child know that you’re willing to listen to them and talk with them
about what’s making them sad. You can say, “We won’t force you to talk
if you don’t want to, but we’re here.”
- Recognize That Moodiness is Part of Growing Up: We
all go through moods, adolescents especially, and parents have to be
understanding of that. The idea here is, “Yes, we tolerate moods, but
you still have to do your homework.” You can say, “All right, so you
can be moody, you can feel irritable, you can be down, you can be sad.
We’ll talk with you about it if you want to, but you’ve got to get your
homework done either way.” You can also do a bit more coaching with
kids around this. Try saying, “Hey, you seemed okay yesterday, what
happened? Did something happen in school?” You can probe it a little
bit more, but don’t let your child avoid responsibilities through these
mood states.
- “Everyone Gets Sad Sometimes.”
Let your child know that we all have periods of feeling down, that
problems can seem overwhelming to everyone at times. Feelings of
sadness are a part of depression, but they’re also very human. Even
intense feelings of sadness can be experienced without it being
considered unhealthy or abnormal. And for most kids, the depression
they go through is a period of sadness, a period of being down, a time
when something’s going wrong and they don’t know what to do about it.
Parents can talk that through with their kids. And they can use the
teaching style and a coaching style to help them manage those feelings
and learn more skills.
What kids need
to know is that no matter what, the rules still apply to them. A
generation of kids is being raised to think that because they’re
depressed, they don’t have to follow the rules. They believe if they
say they’re depressed, if they act out, somebody will give them a pill
or give them easier homework or tell them, “you don’t have to do your
homework, you’re depressed.” By the time they’re in
adolescence, there are a lot of kids who are pretty comfortable using
clinical and diagnostic excuses to avoid responsibilities: That has
become their chief coping skill.
They
don’t learn how to solve problems and figure out how to manage tasks,
because they’re mainly concerned with convincing you that they can’t
do it. The sad thing is that they wind up in adulthood with absolutely
no skills. What they don’t realize is that nobody’s going to be there
to take care of them and make the world an easier place for them to
navigate.
When your child
is sad or depressed, it’s not good—many parents would do anything in
the world to take that feeling away so their child does not have to
experience it. But look at it this way: hard as it is, going through an
episode of depression is yet another opportunity for your child to
learn how to cope with problems. And the more we can teach them to
solve problems as they grow, the better they’ll be able to function
successfully and manage life’s twists and turns when they become adults.
Thank you for visiting today. Feel free to comment and share your experiences.
When Your Child’s World Collapses: Kids & Depression – Part I
Greetings,
Here’s an article you may find helpful. It’s an informative and problem-solving piece that has helped many parents. Part I is presented below. Part II will be presented on Friday, May 29, 2009, or sooner. Thanks.
When Your Child’s World Collapses: Kids & Depression – Part I
by James Lehman, MSW
Part one of a two part series by James Lehman, MSW, on kids and episodic depression.
Note from James: In our culture, sadness and depression have become almost interchangeable terms. In this article, we’re going to use the term “episodic depression” when referring to a level of sadness that children experience that interferes with their functioning.
Almost all kids will go through periods of sadness at one point or another. “Depression” itself is a clinical term that’s become part of our culture. Kids, as well as adults, will use the word “depressed” when they’re feeling sad about something. But know that there are many levels of meaning here, from feeling a little down all the way to clinical depression.
Know that when your child is depressed, their coping skills have collapsed.
If your child seems distressed, despondent or sad for a prolonged period of time, have them seen by someone with diagnostic skills. Be sure to have a pediatrician rule out any underlying issues that might be causing depression.
Rather than clinical depression, in this article I’ll be addressing the periodic episodes of depression that kids go through—times when they seem to get “stuck” and don’t know how to move forward. Kids often don’t have the skills to handle their overwhelming emotions, but as parents, we can help coach them through the tough times and teach them coping skills.
What Episodic Depression Looks Like
When your child is down, you may see them exhibit a variety of symptoms: lethargy, irritability, anger, impatience, changes in eating or sleeping patterns, acting-out behavior, high distractibility, crying, confusion and a general sense of sadness. During these times, it’s important to try to determine what’s triggering the episodic depression your child might be experiencing. Whatever the cause, once you determine what the problem is, you can help your child develop the coping skills to manage that problem.
For each child, the event or situation that has triggered the episode of depression is different. It can be anything from a death in the family to a divorce, social problems to difficulty at school—which may further inhibit your child’s ability to empower themselves. The result is that they can’t make decisions very well; in fact, there might seem to be an absence of decision-making in their lives.
Know that when your child is depressed, their coping skills have collapsed. And I want you to think of collapsing in terms of the speed at which they lose their coping skills—think of a building collapsing. And so it might look like this: one day your child is coping with things okay, and the next day, they can’t seem to solve the same functional or social problem. For some reason they can’t get along well with authority and they have a hard time meeting their responsibilities. These are sometimes the symptoms of episodic depression. So if there’s a chance your kid is going through episodic depression, the most important thing is that you help them maintain their coping skills until the underlying issue is resolved.
School-related problems
Episodic depression can stem from something that’s happening at school, such as a bullying situation. If you have a younger or middle school-aged child, you need to find out if the trigger of this episode is something that should be managed by the school. Schools have to take responsibility to keep kids emotionally and physically secure. There’s much too much intimidation, bullying and abuse going on these days, and schools have to be much stronger in having a code of conduct in how kids treat each other. You’ll also want to talk to your child’s teacher and find out how your child is doing in school. Has the teacher observed any changes in your child’s personality? Do they have schoolwork they can’t manage? It’s always a good idea to say, “Here’s what we’ve been noticing at home. What do you see?”
Medication
I want to note here that parents should be very wary of the medication used to treat depression in children. Personally, I’m not for or against medication, it’s strictly a child-by-child determination, but it’s important to be aware that some drugs that have worked with adults have been used on kids to a bad effect. Many of the SSRI family of antidepressants have been found to aggravate symptoms of sadness and desperation in kids. Sometimes these meds exacerbate the problem a child is experiencing and make self-destructive behavior more likely. So make sure that you talk candidly with your child’s doctor, do research online, read up on it as much as you can, and understand the risks if you decide to go that route.
When depressed kids act out
Misbehavior and acting out are two of the symptoms of depression that you’ll see in a child, and sometimes, two of the primary symptoms. In fact, a lot of the kids that I’ve seen diagnosed with depression had a very intense acting-out component to their behavior. Why? Because they could not access their problem-solving skills. When people can’t solve their problems, they act out in one way or another, and when children can’t solve a problem, they tend to act out their feelings. The most important thing parents can do is help their kids access their problem-solving and coping skills, whether they’re medicated or not, and give them the support they need to develop them. If you’re a depressed kid with no coping skills and you go on medication, then you’re a medicated kid with no coping skills.
It’s just that simple: children need added direction, structure and support when depressed. One of the most important things parents need to know is that during those periods of sadness, your child still needs to take responsibility for solving problems; that does not stop. In fact, letting your child avoid their responsibilities because they’re down is a big mistake. If you’re an adult and you tell me you’re depressed, I will tell you what tens of thousands of therapists will tell you: “Get up off your butt and go do the dishes. When you’re done with the dishes, go down to the park and walk the dog. Buy the paper and read it.” In other words, the whole idea about depression is you still have to live your life. Listen, growing up is hard, and if kids find a place to hide out, they will. Many kids find a place to hide out through acting out behavior. And they hide out there until they’re young adults, by being verbally and physically disrespectful and abusive. That’s how they really avoid growing up.
A word of caution: if depression builds and kids feel like they’re falling behind in life, they can start feeling more and more hopeless, more and more stuck, and more and more guilty. For some, thoughts of suicide start to look good. In fact, in one study that came out in the ‘90s, researchers found that 80 percent of the kids they were tracking who contemplated suicide were not clinically depressed. The kids who contemplated suicide the most seriously were those who were faced with problems they didn’t know how to solve and who had the means to kill themselves. Some even made attempts, and tragically, several were successful.
The researchers concluded that if you teach kids problem-solving skills (and if they have no access to weapons or other means to harm themselves), adolescent suicides would go down. The study also found that children and adolescents don’t have the problem-solving skills it takes to solve the very complex dilemmas teens get themselves into sometimes. People think of suicide when it’s the only solution they believe they have left. Sadly, for some kids, it looks like an easier solution than public humiliation, shame or dealing with a difficult adolescent issue.
In my next post, James Lehman, MSW will discuss how to help your child identify depression and use the new coping skills you will teach them. He will also show you how to help your child focus on and complete their responsibilities, even when they’re feeling down. James will explain why, although it’s difficult to see our kids go through episodes of depression, it’s also an opportunity to help teach them coping skills they’ll be able to carry with them for the rest of their lives.
For more information and to invest in improving your child’s future, visit
Until the next time,
God Bless You and Your Family
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